"If you want something you've never had before, you have to do something you've never done before"

The last time I remember being genuinely skinny I was in preschool. I had a flat little tummy, ate whatever, and ran around like a crazy little thing. I even insisted on wearing little bike shorts with matching sports bras.... oh yes, they make baby sports bras..but that's a different blog altogether! So anyways, I'm not quite sure when the pudge began to pile on to this little princess... can you pinpoint that moment? You know... when you discovered what candy was, or  when you stopped thinking "running-around-with-no-where-to-go-like-a-chicken-with-it's-head-cut-off" was a fun game, or more importantly when you realized you were slower than that other kid. That's the real moment. As little kids, we don't pay much attention to anyone but ourselves... and mommy of course. It's the moment that we start noticing everyone else that we inherently start comparing ourselves to everyone else. I think that's where I began. First I didn't run as fast as the other kids on the soccer team (once the coach yelled at me.. I was DONE with sports), then I was "bigger" than the other girls, meaning I was taller already than basically everyone else (something I would grow more comfortable with in later years) and soon enough I had the tiniest little bit of pudge on my tummy (such a small portion of fat that I would probably sell my soul to have now) that my petite friends didn't. That tiny bulge started it all. As I'm sure many of you have, along the way I became hyper sensitive about my body. In that scenario, girls go one of 3 ways....

1) The first extreme: unfortunately for many girls, an eating disorder becomes the easy way to achieve what other seem to have without even trying. I'll be the first to admit that I hate skinny people who eat whatever they want and never work out (my best friend is like that and she's a twig!) but eating disorders are not the answer. They are dangerous, and I hope that if you ever think that that's the way out you'll recognize that it's not a permanent or safe fix. It's taken me a while to realize this, but as the title says... "If you want something you've never had before, you have to do something you've never done before"Stop thinking that change happens overnight!

2) The girls who have it all figured out: these girls already figured out that they have eat right and stay active. It's not always fun but to them it's worth the results, and being in better shape allows them to do even more fun things than us pudgers. ( aka the ones with self-discipline that I envy)

3) The ones who feign not caring (aka Me): I spent years pretending not to care, and whining about it only to my mother or to my mirror. I ate tons of whatever I wanted, and I watched tv and sat in my room. Sports were lame, I was too clumsy for a bicycle, and whenever I went to a gym (or I should say, still whenever I go) I felt like everyone was looking at me and judging and thinking "she runs slow, look how sweaty she is, blah blah blah". I read Shape magazine and Self, but never really did any of the exercises for more than a week.... truth be told, I'm a little nervous I won't keep THIS up for more than a week.

But it's time for all of us to make a life change, especially me. My goal is no longer to be skinny, or healthy, or fit or whatever variation I used to claim... my new goal is to just do it, to actually follow through and make a real change permanently, not just for a week. Hence the blog. If people are reading about it, I'm accountable for it. I also picked a goal, I found an awesome fundraising 5k that raises money for a cause that has had a huge impact on my life. And I have to do this. I just turned 20, If I don't do it now, it will only go down hill from here. I want to be an example for people like me struggling even to just get started.

So, I started today. I found this great plan, http://www.braintumorcommunity.org/site/PageServer?pagename=RFH_DC_HomePage and went to my gym today and ran/walked in intervals for about 20-30 minutes. I still felt like everyone was looking and couldn't help but notice I was the chunkiest girl on a treadmill.... but if I want to get where I want to be... I have to suck it up and deal. Besides, everyone else is there for themselves. For a lot of people the gym is "me time" not "compare everyone else time" I need to "get on their level" as pop culture might say! lol.

Here I will chronicle my journey from couch potato to the finish line.... but remembering that there really isn't a finish line. I guess what I realized today is that the day I reach my physical goal and am happy with the way I look, is not the day to stop-- because I will just be reverting and regaining.

I hope you'll race alongside me!

Little Miss Couch Potato